What Was Supposed To Be
by FuzzySlipper19
Summary: Oneshot. Bella never jumped off the cliff in New Moon, so Edward never went to Italy. Edward and Bella were never reunited. Years later, while visiting his parents' graves, Edward makes an unfortunate discovery...


**A/N: Hey guys! I wrote this one-shot a while back, but I figured that I'd post it anyway. Enjoy!**

**Clarification: Everything in Twilight stayed the same, and most of New Moon stayed the same. Bella, however, didn't go cliff-diving so Alice never had that vision and Edward never went to go kill himself. So Edward and Bella were never reunited. Eclipse and Breaking Dawn never happened.**

**I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

I stepped out of my silver Volvo on rainy summer day. No, this wasn't the same Volvo I had so many years ago. My original Volvo was good, but no car, no matter how durable, could last forever. My original Volvo was still in the garage of my vampire family's house, unable to properly run. I always drove Volvo's these days, no matter how hard they became to find. Volvo's reminded me of the days that I could truly call myself a happy being.

My brothers, especially Emmett, had never understood why I hadn't gotten the latest and fastest kind of car. I never could bring myself to tell them the true reason. Maybe they already knew – I didn't really care, though.

I didn't live with the Cullen's full time anymore. It hurt both them and me too much. I spent time on my own for the most part.

I couldn't share my pain with them; I couldn't do that to them.

I also just preferred being alone.

I didn't want to live with _anyone _anymore… save for _one _person…

But she was long gone from my life.

The air was humid, and if I had been human, I would have already been sweating a great deal. But I would take a little sweat over this curse of being a vampire. Since meeting Isabella Swan so many years ago, I had wished to be human.

It was only now that I understood Rosalie's pain and resentment towards being a vampire.

Now that Bella was out of my life…

It had been a good sixty years since I'd seen her last, but I could still remember every detail of her beautiful face. The pain of losing her was still fresh.

She was seventy-eight years old by now. She was probably married to a wonderful _mortal _man. She probably had a child or two, and she probably led a normal life.

Every day of my life I regretted leaving her. But I couldn't bring myself to come back for her. Every time I thought of what I was robbing her of – the ability to have children, her safety, and soul – I knew I was doing the right thing.

The grass was lush and green; it seemed so out of place for a graveyard. It felt wrong. It mocked me.

I made my way through the graveyard, weaving myself between graves to reach my destination faster. I always made certain not to step right on the soil in which the bodies were buried; I didn't want to be too disrespectful.

I walked surprisingly slowly – of course, I never really felt much of a need for speed anymore.

I finally reached my parents' graves, side by side. I knelt in front of them, tracing the writing with my fingers gently.

I usually visited my parents' graves every few years in Chicago. However, this was the first time I'd visited their grave since I had left Bella. I'd never really felt up to visiting their graves since then. I'd been too depressed.

Today I'd managed to not be completely depressed, though I definitely wasn't feeling my best.

Although I didn't remember my parents that well, I still missed them horribly. They had raised me, and they had loved me.

I had loved them.

Next to my parents' grave was my grave.

_Edward Anthony Mason  
1901-1918  
May You Rest In Peace_

I sighed at the bitterness of my gravestone. I could never rest. I was doomed to this immortal life – until the day the earth would be destroyed.

I was doomed to the misery of being alone for as long as I lived – which was forever. I welcomed and disliked it at the same time.

I got to my feet, ready to leave; I had spent enough time here.

Just as I was about to leave, my eyes drifted left.

I did a double take.

"Oh," I breathed desperately. "No…"

_Isabella Marie Swan  
1988-2041  
"And so the lion fell in love with lamb…"_

I collapsed to my knees, being the closest to my love that I had been in sixty years.

This was my Bella… my Bella was dead…

Why hadn't I known about this? It had been almost thirty years since Bella's death…

Wouldn't Alice have known?

But I hadn't seen Alice in a good fifteen years… and she was so good at keeping her mind on other things…

"No," I repeated, my voice rising slightly. There were no words to describe the emotions bubbling up inside of me. I almost felt that if I willed it enough, I would wake up from this nightmare.

But that was silly. Vampires couldn't sleep, much less have nightmares.

I read the grave-stone's words over and over again, trying to make myself believe it.

It had to be some mistake – she couldn't be dead!

She couldn't…

She seemed so alive still – she couldn't actually be dead.

I could still see her immense, brown eyes – still see the soft, pink blush on her cheeks. I could still hear her soft voice – still feel her delightfully warm skin.

"Bella…" I whispered, lightly tracing the grave's edges.

Memories flashed in my mind like lightning: coming and going, but leaving a lasting impression.

I remembered first seeing her in the cafeteria so many years ago. I remembered how we were lab partners in science. I remembered the meadow… I remembered when we kissed. It had been the most incredible moment of my life.

But I also remembered the look of pain on her face when I left her. The look of pure shock and misery in her eyes when I told her I didn't want her.

I had killed her. I had killed her heart and left her hopeless – all in trying to just keep her safe.

I had made a terrible mistake in leaving her. She hadn't deserved the pain that I'd given her. And my attempt to help her only ended up hurting her.

And now, more than ever, I regretted leaving my Bella.

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the desire to have her back in my arms – to tell her that she was safe and I was hers forever.

But it was too late…

Why had I been such an idiot? Why had I let her slip away?

She'd died so young… only in her 50's. I wondered what had happened.

She'd never married – the name on the grave was Isabella Marie _Swan_. She didn't have any children.

Bella would never have any kids without marrying first.

Had she moved on? Had she ever gotten over me? The message on the grave didn't suggest that she had.

Unless she'd fallen in love with another lion…

But human memories were supposed to fade!

Weren't they?

And then I realized: I'd only made her life miserable by leaving. Nothing happened the way it should have. Bella – my Bella – she was dead, and she'd died so young! She was supposed to have died a very old woman – in a painless and peaceful manner.

She was supposed to fall in love with someone who didn't constantly want to kill her – she was supposed to have children and raise a beautiful family.

It was supposed to be as if I never existed.

"Bella," I whispered. "It was hard enough when you weren't with me, but at least I knew you were alive and safe…"

I couldn't even finish the sentence; I was overcome with tearless sobs.

"Why?!" I cried out into the air. "I tried to be moral – I tried to do the right thing! What have I done to deserve such punishment!??"

I tried to say more, but I couldn't. Yet again, I was too overcome with my sobs to speak.

I was being selfish now, wishing that I'd changed Bella into a vampire while she was still mine and alive.

She could have been right here with me now. She would have been with me forever, and we would both be happy and in love…

Forever…

It was never meant to happen this way. This wasn't what was supposed to be.

Bella was supposed to be happy. Bella was supposed to get married. Bella was supposed to have children and raise a family. That's what was supposed to be! Bella wasn't supposed to die this young!

It was supposed to be as if I never existed.

This wasn't what was supposed to be.

"No…" I sobbed, touching the grave one more time before getting to my feet.

Losing control of all my thoughts and actions, I ran at full speed to my Silver Volvo.

I threw myself into the car and drove as fast as I could, thus beginning my journey to Volterra.


End file.
